This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Four minutes until I can fart!
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This is my gift to your gina
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
