just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
