Can i not drive my cunt home
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
