I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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