Just fell off a train. Bad.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize