I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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