i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
