i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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