Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
