Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
