ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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