So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
