So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
