Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
