Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
