Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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