please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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