return my video game
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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