I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize