So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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