I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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