I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
