i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
