I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
