If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
