This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
