A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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