Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
