the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I fill condoms, not promises.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
