I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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