This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You ate ashes out of my bong
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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