I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
