i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
