That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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