You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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