Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
