you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
