I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
