What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
