that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize