why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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