Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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