We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
