I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
