Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
