he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
