one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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