I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
