I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
