i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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