Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
