I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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