...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
