So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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