Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
