I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize