i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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