And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
