You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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