Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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