i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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