Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
