My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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