JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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