Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
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