Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Holy sore nipples Batman
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
