I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
