Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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