I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize