I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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