But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
