maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
