That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
