Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
