just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
