The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
