If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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