This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
