she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
