hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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