Old men and throwing up are my life now.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
