I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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