so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize