My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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