take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
